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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Premonition
Hindsight
Insightful
Realized
Future
Kind
Like
Premonitions
Flashback

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright