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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
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Premonitions
Flashback
Premonition
Hindsight
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More quotes by Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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