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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Insightful
Realized
Future
Kind
Like
Premonitions
Flashback
Premonition
Hindsight

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright