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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Premonition
Hindsight
Insightful
Realized
Future
Kind
Like
Premonitions
Flashback

More quotes by Steven Wright

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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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