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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Future
Kind
Like
Premonitions
Flashback
Premonition
Hindsight
Insightful
Realized

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright