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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Talk
Strangers
Father
Spoken
Never
Stranger
Ten
Havens
Haven
Told
Since
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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