Quote

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Around
Ledges
People
Width
Heights
Height
Dog
Walking
Afraid
Building
Ledge

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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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