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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Heights
Height
Dog
Walking
Afraid
Building
Ledge
Around
Ledges
People
Width
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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