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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rest
Pretty
Bigs
Area
Must
Sign
Really
Miles
People
Areas
Tired
Saws

More quotes by Steven Wright

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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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