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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Pretty
Bigs
Area
Sign
Must
Miles
Really
Areas
People
Tired
Saws
Rest
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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