Quote

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Littles
Cat
Little
Pictures
Contact
Dog
Took
Lenses
Eyes
Cats
Eye
Ran
Around
Circles

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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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