Quote

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Around
Circles
Littles
Cat
Little
Pictures
Contact
Dog
Took
Lenses
Eyes
Cats
Eye
Ran

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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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