Quote

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Littles
Cat
Little
Pictures
Contact
Dog
Took
Lenses
Eyes
Cats
Eye
Ran
Around
Circles

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
Image
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
Image
You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
Image
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
Image
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
Image
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Image
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
Image
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
Image
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
Image
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
Image
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
Image
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
Image
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
Image
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
Image
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
Image
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
Image
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
Image
I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
Image
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright