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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Depression
Illness
Head
Nice
Schizophrenic
Lives
Scares
Paranoid
Scare
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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