Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Positive
Coming
Wrong
Bumper
Success
Lane
Everything
Lanes
Way
Redneck
Life
Motivation
Leadership
More quotes by Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
Steven Wright
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Steven Wright
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright