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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wrong
Bumper
Success
Lane
Everything
Lanes
Way
Redneck
Life
Motivation
Leadership
Positive
Coming

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright