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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Trouble
Four
Five
People
Fractions
Math
Teaching

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright