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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Fractions
Math
Teaching
Trouble
Four
Five
People

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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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