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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Fractions
Math
Teaching
Trouble
Four
Five
People

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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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