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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rises
Heat
Hell
Heaven
Energy
Home
Must
Hotter

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright