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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rises
Heat
Hell
Heaven
Energy
Home
Must
Hotter

More quotes by Steven Wright

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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright