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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Hotter
Rises
Heat
Hell
Heaven
Energy
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More quotes by Steven Wright

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright