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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Hotter
Rises
Heat
Hell
Heaven
Energy
Home
Must

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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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