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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Heaven
Energy
Home
Must
Hotter
Rises
Heat
Hell
More quotes by Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright