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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Must
Hotter
Rises
Heat
Hell
Heaven
Energy
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More quotes by Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright