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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Hotter
Rises
Heat
Hell
Heaven
Energy
Home
Must

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Steven Wright