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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rises
Heat
Hell
Heaven
Energy
Home
Must
Hotter
More quotes by Steven Wright
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Steven Wright
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright