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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Seen
Energy
Home
Never
Electricity
Pay

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright