Quote

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Around
Degrees
Home
Turned
Today
Supposed
Way
Air
Cold
Weatherman
Understanding
Conditioner
Understand
Oops
Energy
Weathermen

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright