Quote

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Energy
Weathermen
Around
Degrees
Home
Turned
Today
Supposed
Way
Air
Cold
Weatherman
Understanding
Conditioner
Understand
Oops

More quotes by Steven Wright

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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright