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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Around
Degrees
Home
Turned
Today
Supposed
Way
Air
Cold
Weatherman
Understanding
Conditioner
Understand
Oops
Energy
Weathermen
More quotes by Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
