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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Early
Contradictory
Gets
Worms
Second
Mice
Humor
Cheese
Food
Witty
Funny
Humorous
Worm
Time
Jokes
Cheesy
Bird
Mouse
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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