Quote

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Food
Witty
Funny
Humorous
Worm
Time
Jokes
Cheesy
Bird
Mouse
Early
Contradictory
Gets
Worms
Second
Mice
Humor
Cheese

More quotes by Steven Wright

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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
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What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright