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always remember your unique, just like everone else

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Like
Unique
Else
Remember
Always

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright