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always remember your unique, just like everone else

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Always
Like
Unique
Else
Remember

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Steven Wright
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
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What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright