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always remember your unique, just like everone else

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Unique
Else
Remember
Always
Like

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright