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always remember your unique, just like everone else

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Unique
Else
Remember
Always
Like

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright