Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Every
Cute
Cancel
Time
Afternoon
Dental
Humor
Lobby
Rest
Appointments
Waiting
Package
Funny
Packages
Whole
Cookies
Sometimes
Visit
Oreo
More quotes by Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright