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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Lobby
Rest
Appointments
Waiting
Package
Funny
Packages
Whole
Cookies
Sometimes
Visit
Oreo
Every
Cute
Cancel
Time
Afternoon
Dental
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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