Quote

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Years
Anxiety
Really
Turned
Time
Humor
Year
Doubled
Age
Ninety
Funny
Anxious
Two
Keeps
Thought
Six

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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