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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Thought
Six
Years
Anxiety
Really
Turned
Time
Humor
Year
Doubled
Age
Ninety
Funny
Anxious
Two
Keeps
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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