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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Years
Anxiety
Really
Turned
Time
Humor
Year
Doubled
Age
Ninety
Funny
Anxious
Two
Keeps
Thought
Six

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I took a baby shower.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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