Quote

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Great
Drive
Like
Leaving
Downtown
People
Car
Parking
Humor
Spot
Asks
Boredom
Funny
Spots
Many
Count
Real
Bored

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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