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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Prevented
Pills
Babies
Showed
Mad
Baby
Dream
Pill
More quotes by Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
