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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Dream
Pill
Prevented
Pills
Babies
Showed
Mad
Baby
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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