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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Prevented
Pills
Babies
Showed
Mad
Baby
Dream
Pill
More quotes by Steven Wright
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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