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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Washed
Sock
Took
Gone
Funny
Life
Dryer
Dryers
More quotes by Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
