Quote

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Sock
Took
Gone
Funny
Life
Dryer
Dryers
Washed

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright