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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Dryers
Washed
Sock
Took
Gone
Funny
Life
Dryer
More quotes by Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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