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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Dryer
Dryers
Washed
Sock
Took
Gone
Funny
Life

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright