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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Feelings
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Conversation
Best
Walk
Ever
Friend
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Walks
Never
Feeling
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More quotes by Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
