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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Feelings
Away
Conversation
Best
Walk
Ever
Friend
Kind
Walks
Never
Feeling
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More quotes by Steven Wright
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright