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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Bacteria
Support
Culture
People

More quotes by Steven Wright

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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright