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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Endangered
Eats
Plants
Plant
Animal

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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright