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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Endangered
Eats
Plants
Plant
Animal

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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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