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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Eats
Plants
Plant
Animal
Endangered
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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