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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Plant
Animal
Endangered
Eats
Plants
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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