Quote

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lisp
Cruel
Whose
Humor
Word
Funny
Idea
Ideas

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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