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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Idea
Ideas
Lisp
Cruel
Whose
Humor
Word

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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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