Quote

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Ideas
Lisp
Cruel
Whose
Humor
Word
Funny
Idea

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright