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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Idea
Ideas
Lisp
Cruel
Whose
Humor
Word
Funny
More quotes by Steven Wright
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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