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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Cruel
Whose
Humor
Word
Funny
Idea
Ideas
Lisp

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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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What do batteries run on?
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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