Quote

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lisp
Cruel
Whose
Humor
Word
Funny
Idea
Ideas

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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