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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Expanding
Scientists
Scientist
Humor
Funny
Universe
Everything

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright