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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Everything
Expanding
Scientists
Scientist
Humor
Funny
Universe

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright