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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Universe
Everything
Expanding
Scientists
Scientist
Humor

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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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