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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Pencil
Erase
Pencils
Humor
Word
Funny
Doe
More quotes by Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Steven Wright
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright