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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedian
Seeds
Bird
Humor
Came
Funny
Planted
Seed
Feed
More quotes by Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright