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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Bird
Humor
Came
Funny
Planted
Seed
Feed
Comedian
Seeds

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright